dearest,

It's like a jar full of fudge,
borderlines of escapism,
something

I really really missed.


I dont know how love feels anymore, but I hope it fells like this.

Because it is so surreal,
just like old british romance movies,
details from all of them in these little
moments
(when it snowed and he tried to hold my hand;
and when we lay there listening to Mogwai
and smoked hash
and I still was so pretty)



By the way have you seen movie An Education? It has the same actress that was in Juno.
It was a beautiful one.

I think I told you that me and Peter broke up.

Hm,

I can feel my freedom.

Oh and I met Daniel,
how could I forget, he's the whole point of this nonsense.

He reminded me who I was
and I feel so fucking good.




Even though my best friends brother hates me. Quite funny, quite funny that I don't care, not a single bit because once in my lifetime I feel some-thing. 




And sex is amazing too.






Yours
Euphoria Destruct-

hm

"Cause' it's so fucking beautiful"

I can't believe in the things that are happening to me.
I can't grasp the idea of someone actually wanting me, because it's beautiful.

There's too much dangerous games going on,
too much bad things that just feel so so good.

Can't believe it's Christmas next week.
So upsetting.

I wish I could just cancel it.
Make everything so much easier

My overdraft unexcistant.

Damn it.


I think I fell in love again.

Lust is such a dangerous thing.



(Short of air, that's just too erotic.
My life is just too erotic.
I need some escapism.

I need some silence)




And still his jewellers hands!
Oh please touch me,
I cant stand this anymore.

I need to disappear.

I need to -

.

A boy broke me again.

And I think I fell in love.
One night.
This can't be love.
I'm just so lonely.

He never asked for my number.
He never looked at me in the morning.

But I was so happy.
Just for several hours.

I haven't felt like this for a very long time.

I thought he cared.

I don't know if he did.
His fingers were soft.
His lips were soft.

I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do.
I am so lonely.
Again.

I want to kill time with him.
I want him near me.

God I am so lonely.

And no-one cares.

Please
Please
Please

I feel love, and my love is so tragic.
I could love him, I love him.
He seemed to care.

I want to die.

God help me.

I wanna kill time with you

I felt confused
as of why you didn't touch
my hand this morning
even though I felt so pretty
(you said I was so pretty)
and then when clock
turned to face the wall ticked 13:50
you let me leave.
Today
I really wanted to cry
but my throat felt like
I've been eating
sandpaper
and I couldn't
So I guess
I'm just standing
at the end of my world again
with no one
to hold my hand.




(You're beautiful) (No I'm not.)

The Honeymoon - Passive Aggressive.mp3

I think I should die just about right now.

Ok, before I forget completely I still have to write about:

S. Darko

At some point.
Just now its too weirds and painful, tripping on a sleeping tea my boyfriend made, surprised I can even type this. Still no sleep tho. Hm... Some dude from call centre called me this morning asking for me in my fake name. Confusing,... I thought I put a fake number too. Apparently last night when I was trying to access a web site for stuff my real number seemed fake. Oh well, I think I'm retarded.
Anyway.

Didi: Stu, what are you doing?

Stu: Making chocolate pudding.

Didi: It’s four o’clock in the morning! Why on earth are you making chocolate pudding?

Stu: Because I’ve lost control of my life.


(Rugrats)

Vampires, Art and Oinksip

My anxiety management group told me I need to focus on things I like. Or good things that happen to me. Shame they kind of don't, but it's just my fault. Karma doesn't like. I don't like karma.

Anyway.

I keep telling people about a film I saw recently called Vampire Diary (Not Vampire Diaries) made in Britain. It's a non commercial film about London 'vampire' culture and well I must say it is one of my favourite vampire movies, kind of realistic but at the same time does create the sexual fantasy thing that we all love about being bitten etc. And I think I developed a crush on Anna Walton.

music video here

 (oh and I fell in love with Rita Lynch)

I also recieved my Japanese Goth book by Tiffany Godoy and Ivan Vartanian.

 








Buy in US 
Buy in UK














It contains images and pieces or artists and designers like The Stars Shine Bright, Kira Imai, Toru Kamei, Mari Shimizu, Katan Amano

I would love to own some pieces from Alice and the Pirates collection by Baby The Stars Shine Bright.
*Sigh* If only I lived somewhere closer to Japan....

This is so haunting and pretty at the same time, makes me shiver. Would love to have one of Toru Kamei pictures on my livingroom wall. Brrrr...pretty....

Mari Shimizu makes these really really creepy beautiful dolls. Wouldnt not have one in my house (scared of anything to do with them after seeing so many Ventriloquist doll horror movies etc.) but it still fascinates me to bits. Mmm.
















Other than that nothing really made me feel better, I am dying from a cold, can't eat anything till tomorrow because of stupid blood test and a craving for Strawberry Vanilla tea just kicked in.

Damn those stupid colds.